The Polar Fleece Hat Killer

I cringed when I saw the description of my favorite podcast Jordan, Jesse Go! this week. Discussing "what changes they could make to" Portland? "Changes"? To Portland??? I was not worried about our shallow Portland peccadilloes being found out quite as much as them missing terribly in trying to find something to dislike about our fine city. Oh no, I thought, they're going to say there are too many bikes.

Nope. They hit Portland with valid critiques that indeed, if addressed, could make Portland at least a better-dressed city.

Prolonged adolescence is indeed a thing that happens here. I live in a gorgeous giant house in the heart of the city. With housemates. At 32. I visited my (younger) sister with four kids recently and I could not handle all the self-sacrifice. In Portland, the View-Master is mine. All mine (well okay, and Vladmaster's). There will be no poking out each picture in the reel and then tearing it in half.

You must be mentally This Tall in Portland. But not much more.

Much as I am a little too indulgent to my inner child, I do not dress in sports clothes to go to a restaurant, like the "slovenly" Portlanders noted by Jesse. In their defense, a lot of us engage in outdoor sports (riding bikes) a lot of the time. Also in their defense, when I looked for photos of egregious restaurant sportswear, some bloggers in indie darling Austin, Texas were by far the worst. But I'd still love it if Jordan, Jesse acquired and sent a Polar Fleece Hat Murderer to Portland. I'd only lose one dear old college friend. It's worth it.

The famous doughnut place is here, not in Seattle. So maybe next time on the bacon maple bar. For now, you'll just have to go to one of the eight Ethiopian restaurants in just the Fairfax neighborhood of L.A. to drown your culinary sorrows.